It has been some time now that the first two parts of the letter were published. To remind yourself on the topic and get into empathic understanding with my client you may reread them (part 1 and part 2) here.
Since everyone seems to expect me to learn your ways of normality, I will tell you what is normal to me now. Some of the other ASD diagnosed boys and girls may tell you something totally different or the very same. But here I am just talking about myself.
In the meantime my client has studied all the letters he received in response and now given me the ‘ok’ to publish part 3. In a further part he wants to wrap up some of the topics that came up from you, our lovely readers. Because of his way of processing and working on things he might take some time though.
Anyway, here is the third part of his original letter:
Start of Part 3 (The parting was not done by the client, but has been added for better readability and a chance to let things set in between)
“…
Rules and Routines
It is not only rules on board games that I like, but on a few things more. For instance I really like to know in advance what will happen as much in detail as possible. I love routines. It is not like in that Hollywood film that all needs to happen on the minute but I really prefer having a schedule that gives my day structure. It is like a handrail for me through the day. I can hold on to it and it gives me a feeling of security and safety, even allows me to relax. As I explained before surprises really make me feel uneasy. I need some time to prepare myself for things. Yes, I am not flexible, but if you give me some time in advance to think myself through most of what could happen next, I will be able to adapt to more activities.
For instance if you would want to take me out to some place, I would like to gather as much of information as I can beforehand. How does the place look like, will there be a lot of people, will I have space for me, will it be noisy, do I know someone there, what will I have to wear, what is for food, will it be hot, do I need a cap, or an umbrella? I always have a lot of questions in my mind and they will overwhelm me if I get short notice plans. It is much easier for me to even enjoy things, if I have the chance to prepare myself. That does not even mean to actually pack things or clothe myself; it all has to be done in my head first.
Once I have the things set in my head, things should also run as I have prepared them. What I really don’t like are people being late. It is as if I have built a house of cards in my head where all depend on one another. When you take out one card by not being on time, the whole thing starts shaking. I become tensed that the rest will not work out as well and at the end even if it would, I might not enjoy the activity as much as I could have, if things started out properly.
In any way I don’t like if schedules, routines or rules are broken, I just feel vulnerable and that sometimes makes me frustrated and aggressive. I might even get violent against things or myself if I cannot hold on anymore.
Repetitive Behaviors
I have some strategies that calm me down. Some of them might look very weird to someone else, but I like them. For instance if I am really nervous because of some thought that got stuck in my head and I have to rethink this one thought over and over again, I start rocking in my chair. I know most people find that annoying or weird looking, but for me it brings things at ease. It is, as if I get the movement in swing with the bugging thought and those two movements (inside and outside) somehow slow each other down. I can see things more clearly and often stop the excessive thinking.
Another move I do and people find it odd usually, is, that I love to wiggle my fingers in front of my eyes. I usually do this, when I am bored. I like the way the light changes, when it breaks through between my fingers. It is ever changing and never the same. The same happens, when I swirl things around. There are so many colours, which mix with the movements until they disappear. Try it yourself and tell me if this is not more interesting, than many of the conversations or TV programs you seem to enjoy?
Things and Stuff
I love things, especially stuff that most other people call ordinary, white goods, any household machines, radios. I love to read the manuals and get to know every single function they have. I want to understand exactly how these work and how to fix them once they are broken.
I like the microscope. To look at dirt, water or a leaf amazes me. I can do this for hours. In general I like to inquire about my environment; I want to understand the world around me. I find science fascinating. If I have I question I want to get a full answer, in details. I will read about it and ask anybody I meet about their opinion. Very often though, my questions get rejected, not answered or ignored. That is frustrating and often it makes me wish that I do not want to talk to anybody no more.
This is why I love books. They are nice. I can read a little and think it through and then they are still waiting for me to continue. They don’t get mad or inpatient. I can read the same sentence over and over again.
I like numbers as well. But I am not like the autistic geniuses from the TV. I can’t do extraordinary things with numbers, but I like the logic and plainness of mathematics.
…”
This is the end of the third part of the letter. As per the wish of my client he wants to edit the end and wrap up some of the questions that came through in all those mails.
Maybe you have a comment as well on this part or the whole letter. You can send it using the comments here in the blog or via our email. I will forward the letters as before. We are looking forward to more of your input.