The old armchair

I just had a call with a dear coaching colleague. I found it comforting to hear that he, too, is repeatedly questioned in a rather clumsy and old-fashioned way by people who have actually embarked on a transformation process and want to break new ground, in such a way that it ends up jeopardising all the relationship work that has gone into this organisation. I have also had this painful experience.

Interestingly, again and again, it occurs in projects where the transformation process is already so far advanced that the first results of the work become clear to everyone inside and outside the organisation. These successes are often celebrated so enthusiastically that it seems to trigger or irritate individual team members, who themselves find the inner transformation in relation to a mindshift or the questioning of their own narratives so challenging that they then prefer to attack and question the coach (also personally).

The armchair metaphor

Some people here will be familiar with my metaphor of the old armchair, and here it comes into play again:

Some narratives and beliefs we have acquired over the years are like an old armchair, think of the most comfortable wing chair from grandad’s day.

The armchair is very large, it is worn through and the covers are already frayed in many places. In fact, it constantly stands in the way and no longer fits into the interior at all.

Then, in a moment of courage, you decide to take the armchair to the attic. You are so proud of yourself. And it was really hard work, because the chair is so heavy and bulky.

And then you come back into the room and are thrilled. So much new space! So much place to be creative and only now you realise how much the chair was blocking the room. Visitors come and congratulate you, they find that the room now has a whole new positive energy.

And you are happy about it. And yet you also have this feeling of insecurity.

You look at new furniture, furniture that is flexible, that can meet your needs and those of your housemates. Furniture that is good for your back and that fits well aesthetically in the room.

However, this furniture is expensive or still needs to be assembled, or has a long delivery time.

Above all, however, they are not the old armchair.

And while you can see that everyone around you is already getting used to the new space and using, experiencing and enjoying it, all you can think about is the old chair.

More and more often.

And then you say to yourself, “Oh, I’ll go and visit it, after all, it’s still in the house”. You’ve already had it checked before to see if it could be restored and learnt that it would be possible, but it would be very costly and, above all, the chair would still take up just as much space and block it.

You consider all this as you climb the stairs to the attic.

And then you see it standing there. You notice a feather poking through from the seat cushion and how shabby it looks, just for the time you haven’t seen it. And you think, “Maybe it’s a good thing that it’s no longer down there.”

But then you sit down in it. The tattered and worn seat has just the right creases in the right places, moulded to your body by years of sitting in it. Your hands slide automatically onto the greasy armrest, your head slips into the little hollow in the headrest, which fits so perfectly.

“Why should I bother with something new when I know exactly what I have here?” you think to yourself.

And then you get angry with the person(s) who encouraged you to change. After all, it’s their fault that you’re now sitting alone in the attic while happy laughter can be heard from downstairs.

Disrupted transformation in organisations

Of course, this is an exaggeration, but it is something that I experience again and again energetically when people in organisations suddenly fall back into old (thought) patterns and habits and are abruptly very negative towards the people who are (apparently) responsible for bringing about the necessary change.

The means are then often characterised by such destructive aggression that it takes the whole team to get through it and emerge stronger. This will only be possible if the people are mindful and resilient. If they acknowledge the fears without subjecting the entire team to the fears of the individual.

This is also the moment when the organisation has to act on its own initiative, because the person doing the coaching cannot coach and defend him/herself at the same time.

On the whole, it is here that the extent to which a truly profound transformation is truly sought is revealed.

Unfortunately, this is often the point at which an organisation, instead of going through the pain, withdraws into old patterns of behaviour. The only option then is often to give the team time and hope that later on a door will open again to restart the relationship work all over.

Because in the end, no transformation can succeed without healthy, strong relationships.